Empty Bed Syndrome

Last night, I suffered from what I am calling "Empty Bed Syndrome". My wife loves the Black Friday sales, so she and my boys spent the night at her sisters house so that they could go shopping together and so my boys could get some sleep. I had to work today, so I went home to sleep and prepare for my workday. Unfortunately, I didn't get much sleep. After arriving home, I straightened the house, ran and emptied the dishwasher, vacuumed, and watched a few minutes of "Strange Brew" on Netflix. At 9pm, I went upstairs to prepare for bed. The house was eerily quiet. There were no boys bouncing around and laughing/talking. No wife to talk to. It was weird. I brushed my teeth, got into my sleep-wear, and turned on the television so that there was some background noise. I watched a part of a documentary about the West by Ken Burns. I watched an old 1970's episode of Saturday Night Live with Fred Willard and Devo. I fast forwarded pretty much everything but the Devo performances. I watched another few minutes of the documentary about the West. By 10:30pm, I knew I needed to get to sleep. But, my house was too quiet and there was no wife next to me for warmth and comfort. I'm used to listening to the boys get up 16 times to use the bathroom....or talking in their sleep. I'm used to my wife snuggling with me and lulling me to sleep with her warm body. As a result, I tossed and turned. My lower back hurt, which made it hard to get comfortable. I watched the minutes tick by on my digital clock. By 12:30pm, I finally dozed off. But, my sleep was restless and fitful. I'd hear noises that would freak me out, so I'd sit up and look around to make sure everything was okay. There is something about having people in the house with you to make you feel secure. As I'm listening to the house creak or the neighbors through the walls, I began remembering every horror movie I ever saw and that made it harder to fall asleep. Every time I'd start to doze off, I'd hear a bump and would picture an axe wielding murderer hovering over me. This made it even more difficult to sleep. So, needless to say, I got less than five hours last night and most of it was not restful at all. I don't like being alone. For 99.9% of the past 12 years, I haven't had to deal with being alone. I like being married and having kids. I like the extra noise and the security of knowing the love of your life is sleeping beside you. My clock was set for 6am. At 5am-ish, my phone vibrated. I thought it was the weather forecast text that I get every morning, so I ignored it. A few minutes later, it vibrated again. I checked it and it was a text from my wife telling her to call her ASAP. I knew something was wrong. Previously during our Thanksgiving celebration we heard the news that Joi's Step-Dad collapsed and was taken to the hospital where they found out he had pneumonia. He wasn't doing well and they recommended hospice, which means that his days were short. We felt like he'd have a few weeks left. I called my wife this morning and learned that he had passed away over night. We talked for a few minutes and I decided to just get up, since sleep kinda sucked anyway and I was still processing the news. My wife will need to go to California for a while to attend the funeral and help her family. We can't afford to send the whole family. I'll be working from home so that I can take care of the boys, do their home-schooling, and take them to their various activities. I know my wife is needed in California and that it's best for her to be there, but I'll desperately miss her. I'll have to deal with a week or so of "empty bed syndrome" and perhaps some sleep-deprived nights. I'm not complaining. I know my wife is needed. I'll just miss her, that's all. At least I'll have my boys to keep me company and to fill the house with sound. But, there is something about having my wife next to me in bed that brings me comfort and peace.

The Decline of McDonalds

I used to love McDonald's. When I was a kid, my Grandpa would take me for "sneak" visits to McDonald's. We'd get a couple burgers for a quarter each and a chocolate shake to share. I loved those moments. I loved the food. I'd crave it and beg for my parents or grandparents to take me there. As a child I never noticed how when you dropped a french fry under the car seat and found it several months later, it would look exactly the same. It never occurred to me that this wasn't natural. As I grew up and had children of my own, I don't like McDonald's anymore. I can't eat there without getting violently ill and spending a considerable amount of time on the toilet. What changed? Did the quality of their food decline through the years? Did my youthful digestive system mask the horrible quality of their meat when I was a kid? What changed my childhood love affair with Mickey D's to a abhorrent hatred?

It's not just my grown up digestive system that detests it. The last time we had McDonald's, my nine year old son (after only eating fries and some chicken nuggets) had gas pain so bad that I had to carry him from the car to the bathroom while he grasped his stomach and cried out in pain. Last Thanksgiving, all my kids caught a horrible stomach flu after playing on a McDonald's play area and eating lunch there. We missed Thanksgiving because we were all sick. My kids are pretty much done with McDonald's. In fact, we only ever ate there for three reasons.

1) We are short on funds and need something cheap to feed the whole family.
2) We are rushed for time and there is a convenient McDonald's near us.
3) I crave their Egg McMuffins (the only food item I like at McDonald's).

When I think to myself, I'm craving a good hamburger, McDonald's never comes to mind. The only thing it has going for it is convenience and price. Otherwise, there would be absolutely no reason to go there at all. However, at this point, my kids equate sickness and stomach pain with McDonald's. We don't go unless we have no other choice and then we do it grudgingly. McDonald's...I'm hatin' it.

Hard To Love

I find some people very hard to love. If we're honest, we all do. There are some people who I just don't understand. They don't do things my way. They don't solve problems the same way I do. They do things that I detest. These people make it hard for me to "love thy neighbor". But, I realized something over the last couple of days. The bible tells us to "Love your neighbor" and "love your enemies". Jesus says to take care of the poor, the orphaned, the widowed. It doesn't say only love the neighbors you like. It doesn't say only to love those who are easy to love, who do things your way, and do only the things you like. It says to love....period. No qualifiers. This is hard. But, it's what we are called to do by God. There are some people who I want to write off as hopeless. I'm thankful that God didn't do that to me, despite the fact that I  truly am hopeless. So, how do I love these people? I find that sometimes it's helpful to put yourself in their shoes. Why are they this way? Why do they do the things they do? Sometimes having a new perspective is useful to help me understand the nuances of my neighbors, enemies, and those I am called to love. But, this doesn't always help me to love. What then? At that point, I have to focus on how unlovable I can be. I do things that irritate people. I am not always lovable. Not everyone likes me (shocking, I know). Realizing this, I am able to give love to those who are like me...not always lovable. Lastly, I realize that God gave his unfailing love to me and that, in turn, I need to show His love to others. I am thankful for God's unconditional love. The bible says "we love because He first loved us". How true that really is!

Lord, help me to not be judgmental, critical, and unloving. Help me to love the people who are hard to love.

Name Me: The Final Chapter

I've been giving it a lot of thought and consideration. At the end of the day there were two names that I really liked and that were suggested by my readers. Those names were "Signatures of Divine" and "From Where I Am". After searching the web to make sure neither of them were taken, I actually found a blog called "Signatures of Divine". So, it looks like "From Where I Am" wins. I do like that one. As Mom suggested, it does sound like a title for a writer like Andy Rooney and I like how it explains that I will always write my blog "from where I am" whether that's physically, metaphorically, spiritually, emotionally, or mentally. Henceforth, my blog shall be known as "From Where I Am".

This leads me to my next question. Should I change the URL to reflect this change? Right now, my blog URL is copelandblog.blogspot.com. I could change it to fromwhereIam.blogspot.com. I don't know what that will do to those of you following me or to those of you who subscribe to my RSS feed. What are your thoughts? Change it, or no?

Name Me, Part 2

I was given some suggestions for a new blog title by three of my readers. I liked some of them, but they were either too long or already taken. I toyed with doing something with Renaissance Man in the title, but there are already too many blogs with that in the title. I found a synonym for that concept on Wikipedia, which was polymath. But, for anyone who knows me...anything with "math" in the title does not describe me at all. So, I'm back to square one.

I thought about finding a song title that would make a good blog title. Enya had lots of good song titles that made for good blog titles. Here are some ideas. What do you think?

Book of Days (Enya) - it's already taken, but I really liked it. I want something unique, so I guess this one has to go.
I Want Tomorrow (Enya) - not taken and not a bad title.
Anywhere Is (Enya) - not taken and makes for a nice esoteric title.
From Where I Am (Enya) - not taken and makes for a nice blog title.
On My Way Home (Enya) - good title and reflects a Christian's journey to our true home.
Fallen Embers (Enya) - a good title and a good metaphor.

Other good Song Titles
Soul Meets Body (Death Cab for Cutie) - a nice word picture and it makes for a good title.
Pull You In (Chris Copeland) - one of my song titles. Makes for a decent blog title.
Mental Hopscotch (Missing Persons) - a good blog title and a tribute to the 80's all in one.
Signatures of Divine (Needtobreathe) - has a nice ring to it.
Out of the Woods (Nickel Creek) - a great song and a pretty good blog title.
Apres Moi (Regina Spektor) - a good song, blog title, and a tribute to my French heritage.
Pure Imagination (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) - speaks for itself.

So, I'm taking a vote. Do you like any of these? If so, tell me in the comments.

Name Me

I want to rename my blog. I want to make it more marketable and widely searched. No one is searching for "Chris Copeland's Blog" unless they know me or stumbled across it by accident. I need something flashy. Something that describes who I am and what I do. Something clever and something that has a nice ring to it. Something that describes the kinds of things I write about or the types of things I care about. I need your help. What would you name my blog? Please post your ideas in the comments. I may use one of your suggestions, or one of your suggestions might spark an idea that helps find a new name. I need a name. Name me.

Science versus Religion...and babies.

I get angry and defensive when atheists say that they can't believe Christianity because science trumps religion. Supposedly, science is real. Just like the They Might Be Giants song on a recent children's album says "I like the stories about angels, unicorns and elves...Now I like those stories As much as anybody else... But when I'm seeking knowledge...Either simple or abstract...The facts are with science." What I don't understand is how science claims to have "facts" or "evidence" that the big bang happened...despite the fact that they can't replicate it in a lab. Science is made up of theories...many of which can not be proven. Yet, people (usually ignorant people) latch on to these theories and claim them as fact. But, I'm not here to debate the big bang theory. I'm here to discuss something more shocking.

I also don't understand how many of these people who claim that science is the end all be all of "reason", "facts" and "knowledge" completely ignore the fact that babies are living human beings at conception despite all of the scientific facts that back that up. There are many advocates of science who support abortion or the "woman's right to choose" and yet they are completely ignoring the science behind the fact that those babies are alive. A small sampling of those scientific facts are that you can discern a measurable heartbeat at 21-24 days after conception. This time frame is typically less than a woman's monthly cycle. So, before she even knows she is pregnant, she has a human inside of her with a beating heart. An abortion at this stage stops a beating heart and therefore kills a human being. The human brain begins to form on day 23 and is giving off discernible brain waves by week 6. Most abortions destroy a functioning brain. A stopped heart and a lack of brain waves is how we determine if people outside the womb are dead. Why would this be any different inside the womb? Some would say that babies are still being formed and developing during pregnancy and that is why it should not be considered a full human being. However, science tells us that humans continue to grow and develop well into adulthood. So, would it be okay for me to murder a toddler because he's not fully developed? Ridiculous! God forbid! I don't understand this "selective science" that grasps on to convenient theories while completely ignoring solid fact. It seems like shaky ground to me.

I heard an interesting analogy the other day. Hitler started the holocaust because he believed that Jews, blacks, homosexuals, and handicapped were "less than human" and therefore should be eliminated. How is this any different than what many people believe about abortion? Pro-choice people believe that they have a right to choose an abortion because the fetus inside of them is "not fully human" and can be eliminated without any repercussions. But, we can safely say...with scientific fact....that fetuses are just as human as those who died in the holocaust. I'm sickened and saddened by the human tendency to ignore facts that are contrary to their position and then believe with fighting tenacity in their ignorance. There needs to be a time when people stop and think without prejudice and without trying to manipulate facts to support their position. Otherwise, we are doomed to repeat history.